His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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