She announced her abortion via fbk
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize