woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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