How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
