Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she smelled like a LAN party
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
