no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
