i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
