I want to have your abortion
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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