Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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