Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
