i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's Friday. Sex?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
