thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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