no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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