i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
