when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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