We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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