Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
