I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
