Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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