Your tits are I can't wait for
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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