I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
