in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
