six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
