but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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