fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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