he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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