I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
