filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
