i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize