I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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