She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
