he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
time to smoke my breakfast
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
