I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
