then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
