May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
50% drunk capacity currently
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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