Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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