That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
