things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
