i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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