My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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