wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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