im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i think i have two assholes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
