whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
