I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
