this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
