He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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