I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
