Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
