True but thats because hes a fetus.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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