Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My ass is underappreciated
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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