doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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