Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
