The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
