I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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