dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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