Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
