i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
