Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
