remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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