I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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