Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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