oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
