Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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