I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
