Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
