I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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