He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
