recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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