walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
