Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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