i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
