Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
