none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So much rum. So many feels.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
