In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
