Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
