Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
