giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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