I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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