last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
