my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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