it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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