if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize