fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
