My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You need a sexual gate keeper
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Come on in and take your pants off
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
