Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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