Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
