Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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