then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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