It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
