did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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