Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
